Charles Darwin – A Case Study in Preparing Children for Marriage

Preparing children to marry is one of the most important parental tasks. It is obvious that Darwin had no conception of the marks of a Christian marriage the year before he married. Instead of a stage for the self sacrificial love of Christ, he saw marriage as an intrusion into personal pleasure and satisfaction. Among his papers there is a checklist Darwin made to decide whether or not it was worth getting married. It is believed that he wrote this memorandum on marriage in 1838 the year before he married.

Here is a young man who was not mentored in doctrine of Christian marriage and therefore entered marriage totally unprepared,

"Reasons for not marrying: freedom to go where one liked; choice of Society & little of it. - Conversation of clever men at clubs - Not forced to visit relatives, & to bend in every trifle. - to have the expense & anxiety of children - perhaps quarrelling - Loss of time. - cannot read in the Evenings - fatness & idleness - Anxiety & responsibility - less money for books."

He also writes,

“… But then if I married tomorrow: there would be an infinity of trouble & expense in getting & furnishing a house, —fighting about no Society —morning calls — awkwardness —loss of time every day. (without one's wife was an angel, & made one keep industrious). — Then how should I manage all my business if I were obliged to go every day walking with one’s my wife. — Eheu!! I never should know French, — or see the Continent — or go to America, or go up in a Balloon, or take solitary trip in Wales — poor slave. — you will be worse than a negro — And then horrid poverty, (without one's wife was better than an angel & had money) — Never mind my boy — Cheer up — One cannot live this solitary life, with groggy old age, friendless & cold, & childless staring one in ones face, already beginning to wrinkle. — Never mind, trust to chance —keep a sharp look out — There is many a happy slave”

Darwin's notes on marriage are transcribed and annotated in “Correspondence” vol. 2, appendix iv.